5 Tips For Men To Rebuild a Relationship After A Miscarriage
Miscarriage is the death of a child before he or she is born. Everyone rallies around the mother in a time like this, but the father of the child is grieving too. As a man, use your feelings to rebuild your relationship and find healing for both of you.
Men often deal with loss in a different way than women. It is just the way of the world. Men are raised to be strong and show very little emotion while women are encouraged to cry on the nearest shoulder. When a miscarriage occurs, however, the old traditions of grief have to be suspended if you want your relationship to survive it.
Resist the urge to be resentful if the crowd gathers around your wife or girlfriend. We are conditioned to think that she is the only one grieving because she carried the baby. These tips will help you find an outlet for your feelings.
1. Join a support group. Miscarriage is real for men as well as women. A support group will validate your feelings and also show you how to communicate them to your partner when the time is right. For now, let the professionals help you.
2. Express your feelings to your mate. It is important that she knows that you are hurting too. Do it in a private place when you are alone together. Others may not understand but it is necessary that she does.
3. Attend counseling with her. Some men don’t understand that a woman doesn’t need sexual relations to feel close again. She must heal emotionally before feeling that intimate again. A relationship counselor can explain that to you so she doesn’t pull away from you because she’s feeling pressured for sex.
4. Hold a memorial service. With a miscarriage, there is not as much opportunity to find closure as with other incidents of death. There is no body and no funeral will be held. A memorial service for family and/or close friends allows both of you to find a way to move on and acknowledge that the unborn child was still a part of your family.
5. Don’t throw yourself into other activities. Fearing that his mate wants to be alone, some men get overly involved in work or other projects to avoid coming home and dealing with the grief. Grief takes time and is normal. Coming home and facing the miscarriage together makes it easier for both of you. If you want to cry then do so. The one person that you can be yourself with is your mate.
Men deal with miscarriages in a different way but that doesn’t make it any less painful. Instead of pulling away, communicate with your mate so that the relationship doesn’t die along with the pregnancy.